The Goat Boy's Fame

by Brett Rutherford

     after Callimachus, Epigram 24

So who the hell is Asticides,
anyway? What's all the fuss?
A Cretan — need I say more?
A goat-herd, no less,
you know what they're into.

He vanished, it seems.
Not smart enough to chase one,
he let himself be carried off
by a desperate nymph.
You can just imagine
how desperate! So why
is his name brought up
each time some schoolboy
fails to come home at night,

"Ah, some girl has got him,
just like poor Asticides!"

This clown will be the death
of pastoral poetry. No more,
the pan pipes beneath the oaks
of Mt. Dikte, no more the odes
of Daphnis and the shepherds' life,

just hillbilly Asticides
crawling with fleas
a he-goat and a she-hag.
What is the city coming to?

A Father's Gravestone

 by Brett Rutherford

     after Callimachus, Epigram 23

Read closely, passer-by.
That there was Battus,
whose father was the warrior
Callimachus, and whose son
was Callimachus the poet,
this stone attests. That one
led an army, and the other
conquered with pen and scroll,
should not surprise you.

Battus stands between
as son and sire, and when
the Muses beamed their eyes
upon a child who smiled
and did not look away,

they were his guardians,
not just in easy youth
but later, when his head
was bowed and gray.

Walk on, then. Now you know.

Those Little Love-Notes

 by Brett Rutherford

     adapted from Callimachus, Epigram 43

By name, you accuse me,
and so, by name, Archinus,
I answer you:

if I left little poems
here and there for you to find,
I was decent about it.
Neither your name, nor that
of your family were impugned
by my obscure utterings.

If in my right mind
I serenaded you,
ten thousand blushes
befall both of us,

but as it was,
I came unwilling,
as wine and the love-god
forced me, one pulling me
from out my bed, the other
made me not ashamed
to stand there,
a gossip’s mockery.

Feebly, I sang;
trembling, I wrote.
If anyone listened,
they did not hear
for whom Callimachus
yearned. Once more
I scratched papyrus,
once more I waste
a lyric, it seems.

I kissed the doorpost.
I vanished just as
the moon rose up.
If this was wrong,
then so be it. I am
outed, and you,
you could do worse, you know.

 

Worse Every Day

 by Brett Rutherford

Witches and pedophiles
in pizza-shop basements,
Elders of Zion
with bearded Protocols,
rapists at the border
demanding to work
as strawberry pickers,
space lasers igniting
the unswept forests,
teachers conspiring
to teach actual history,
oceans not rising,
mass murders staged,
voting booths tampered
and thermometers, too,
pythons and lantern-flies,
COVID and monkey pox
all hoaxes to frighten you.

So things untrue
are truer than things
that are.
And now, just now,
polio is back,
and Palin, too?

Self-Epitaph (Callimachus)

by Brett Rutherford

from Callimachus, Epigram XXXVII

Of me it should suffice to say
“He was the son of Battus.”
You know the rest.
This is his tomb you pass.
But stay a while: he was
well-skilled in poetry,
and over the best of wine
did he not laugh with you?

Fear of Falling

 by Brett Rutherford

The man who would be king
avoids high parapets,
hill-tops and cliffs,
lest one swift wind,
or an assisting hand
should tip him over,

a parachute, twice-checked,
is always in reach
of his small hands
when his private jet zooms
from place to place.

He dreams in cold sweat
of a long fall from space,
not to some placid sea,
but to the very spot

where a sink-hole opens
to receive him.
So eager is Hell
to have him.

The Birth of Zeus

 by Brett Rutherford

     From Callimachus Hymn 1, 1-16

If this is to be a hymn sung to Zeus,
then keep to the subject: the god himself,
the king eternal, mighty forever,
he in whose name we crushed the Pelagones,
who to the quarreling Olympians
stands as their judge and arbiters?

 But just which Zeus do we raise glasses to?
He of Mt. Dikte on the island of Crete?
Or he of our own loved Arcady
where sturdy Mt. Lycaeum claims his birth?
What am I to do (not libations two!)
since the one and only Zeus attends us?
My spirit is torn. Some hold for Ida,
others swear it must be Arcadia.

 Well, Cretans are always liars. If one
says “this,” he ever means “that.” Yes, a tomb
by those prevaricators was built up,
and offerings collected, you can be sure,
but what a cheat this is. Zeus did not die,
nor was he ever mortal, seeding myth.

 The Oak-Tree Goddess, brown Rhea, bore him,
upon a hillside in a brushy shelter,
a place so dense that neither wolf nor boar
entered to disturb his infant slumber,
nor would the Arcadian women hear
his cries as they descended for water
to the banks of Eileithyia. Sacred
the place is still, Titan Rhea’s child-bed.

 Alone in dark of moon, Rhea strode down
to cleanse herself of ichor’d afterbirth,
and to bathe the newborn child of thunder.

 …

But He Is Dead!

 by Brett Rutherford

     From Callimachus, Epigram II

When I said, “Heraclitus, my old friend —”
     you interrupted, “But he is dead!”
Then I stood thunderstruck. Of course
     he died so many years ago.
How far from Hallecarnassos
     have his ashes drifted now?

 But when I said his name,
    I heard a Nightingale begin
his shift. The sun had set,
     just as we two so many times
lingered and talked beneath this tree,
     until the day had faded and gone.

 Not the same bird, most certainly,
    but its descendant — O my heart!
O Nightingale, be still!

 

An Easy Choice

 by Brett Rutherford

     from Callimachus Epigram V

“Hey, Timon, thou spout of spite,
which do you hate more: the Light
of Day, or the Darkness?”

                                         “Darkness,”
the dour one replied, “For there are more
of your kind where the sun never shines.”

Insincere

 by Brett Rutherford

     after Callimachus Epigram IV

If after saying “farewell” to me —
not a good wish but a poison arrow —
you turn to my friends, and, laughing,
mock me when I am just out of hearing.

 Far better for you to keep that orifice shut.
You have too many teeth. Hypocrisy
has its way with canines and molars,
and soon enough you’ll lose them all.

 The only teeth you’ll keep are those
whose aches are near deadly, and which
they call, with bitter irony, “wisdom.”

 

A Good Boy

 by Brett Rutherford

     from Callimachus Epigram VII

He thought to earn merit
from gods, and in the eyes of men,
by tending the grave of one
who was not his ancestor dear.

 Cruel she had been to him,
    his father’s second wife.
And what did he get
     for his trouble?

 The cursèd stone broke
    and fell upon him.
His brains spilled out;
     the flowered garland
still in his clenched hand.

 Step-sons, beware! Even the grave
of she who hated you, hates on.

 

 

Centipede Apocalypse

 

by Brett Rutherford

And just like that
the night sky lifted up,
curled up and halfway
over. It was no sky
but a roof. Who knew?

 And there he stood,
two-eyed and pale
and grimacing. I froze
in terror while others fled.
His darting orbs followed
the escaping horde.

He knows we are here,
that maybe millions
call this a world. A hole
a million miles across
opened, and sounds
like trumpets issued forth.
It was his mouth, and this
the call to judgment.

The sky resumes
its familiar blackness.
Manna still falls
and feeds us,
but we have gone mad.

Our days are numbered
and we know it.
Doom tramples over us.
The day of wrath has come.

 

Best of All Possible Worlds

 

by Brett Rutherford

Doctor, I'm glad
you had time to squeeze me in.
No, nothing physical.
My limbs are all intact.

I am far past
adolescence
as you can see:
segment after segment,
a full hundred.

Sex life? Oh that's
no problem.
Here under the carpet
the living's easy.
Food falls, and fluids
ooze to puddled ponds
where there's enough
for everyone.
The human never vacuums.
We party all night,
and as for sex,
God! I've lost count.

It must be my mind
that's gone all wrong
on me. I just go through
the motions of eating,
wrestling with my brothers,
topping the others
in the orgy crevices.

They say you help,
that on this couch
I can talk it through.
I can hardly say it,
what troubles me.

I sleep, too long,
and far too deep,
and in my dreams
I am pursued
by thousand-legged
monsters. Yes,
millipedes! There,
I have said it.

They seem so real,
I wake up screaming.
I know there is no
such animal.
Mythology, I know.
Old fairy tales.

Tell me, doctor,
what is a centipede to do?