My Lost First Novel

 When I was in tenth grade, I completed a novel. It was a science-fiction novel, almost 100,000 words. As an avid fan of Famous Monsters Magazine, I knew that its editor, Forrest J. Ackerman, was also a literary agent for sci-fi writers. So I packed it up, calculated the outgoing and return postage and was ready to send my first work into the world.

But I did not have the postage money. I had enough money in my pocket to have a couple of after-school five cent sodas at the drug store soda fountain. That's it.

So I carefully and patiently explained to my mother how to mail the package, and that I wanted postage inside the box so that Mr. Ackerman would not have to pay for returning my ms. if he hated it. She promised to take it to the post office and mail it. I assured her that I was soon to be a famous science-fiction writer.

She told me she had mailed the package. She wouldn't say how much it cost.

Weeks passed. Two months passed. Three months passed. Finally, I mailed a letter to Mr. Ackerman asking if he had received my novel. He replied tersely that no such package had come to him.

I despaired. It was lost forever. I had a dim carbon copy, and the original had gone astray.

I didn't try again. I wrote more short stories. I wrote two plays. And then I moved on to poetry.

More than a year later, I was at the kitchen sink and leaned forward when I dropped a knife. I saw something oblong, wrapped in cardboard.

I reached down. There was the manuscript for my novel, lodged between the sink and the wall behind it.

It had never been mailed, and my mother lied to me.

I said nothing. I just carried it like a dead weight on my soul.

I even repressed the memory of this, as of other inexplicable acts of negation, but then it came back to me, crystal clear.

Designing A Poster for Poets in Protest

 

I do not remember this poetry reading, but I designed the poster for it, and read there with poets from Ireland, Poland, Cuba, Argentina and the U.S. It was organized by Boria Sax and was an Amnesty International event. I did a couple of other designs and layouts for Amnesty, but it is a rather clouded memory (1980s).

Beethoven's Ninth Symphony for Two Pianos

 Knowing that few people would get to hear Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, Franz Liszt arranged it for two pianos. This striking performance has two pianos, plus a timpanist to put Beethoven's percussion back in.

Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet

 Shakespeare has inspired many works of music. Among the top ten would have to be Tchaikovsky's symphonic poem, "Romeo and Juliet." To show that Romanticism lives, here is a brand new piano transcription of that work, in all its gloom and stormy passion. I swooned listening to this.

Tchaikovsky Romeo & Juliet Overture Fantasy arr. Sudbin

And to hear the original for orchestra:

The Sleep of Priests

 by Brett Rutherford

The bishop’s weak lung
wheezes at night
beneath the blankets,
not gone, not even
“disappeared” like those
arrested and vanished
in the time of strict
government. As soon
as he closes one eye
the air sac expands
and it blasts one note,
one drone
like the idiot half
of a bagpipe.

Don – don – don
Donde – donde – donde
Where – where – where
the unburied dead,
the unabsolved,
the ghosts denied
the moment of unction?

Don – don – don,
Donde – donde – donde,
one note from
dusk to dawn
in thirty thousand beats
of monotonous asking

where – where – where
our blackened bones,
our dust, our skulls
a-crush beneath some
concrete stadium?

Lung-bladder ghost,
Guilt’s bagpiper,
vacuum bag inhaling
his withered prayer.
No sleep for him!

He tosses and turns.
Some black-robed brothers
have helped the Government;
others have hidden students,
professors and artists;
others have waved two hands,
ten fingers wagging, heads
shaking no, eyes firmly closed.

Nothing, I have heard nothing.
I have not read the papers.
I will of course
light candles if I am asked.

How many sleep well?
How many sleep at all?
Which of them heard
the executioner’s confession
and said nothing in turn
to his own confessor,
passing it to God only
without a further thought?

How many imsomniacs
hear lung or heart,
ribcage or ear’s cavity,
or an ever-throbbing vein
that will not let them sleep,
echoing:

Don – don – don
Donde – donde – donde,
Where are the Disappeared?

Man of the Hour

 by Brett Rutherford

Those mouse-like men
     who ousted Gorbachev
while he was up in the air,
and far from the border;
oh, how brave they were,
belling the cat’s absence;
and then they fled
to their Moscow apartments,
under the blankets in a vodka stupor.

All knew the routine.
Glasnost had played itself
as the long arachnid trap,
predictable as tide or snow,
or a lesson in dialectics.

A liberal Spring, a little thaw
to bring the poets and liberals out.
Then watch them, count them.
Make lists. Prepare the officers
for the sudden clampdown,
boxcars to the always-open Gulag.
All hail to Party chairman,
whoever that turned out to be.

But this time, it did not go
as the planners intended.
It only took one man, one
near the apex of power, to prove
that cycles are not eternal, hope
no poison beet on a string,
a false promise in a pot of borscht,

one man to say, “Not this time.”
Make no mistake: Boris Yeltsin
ended the Communist rule of Russia.
A great bear, a man without fear.
He did not need to be sober to win,
just a little more sober than
his cowering enemies.

No one knew how
it would all turn out.
That it came out differently
is what we need to learn.

The Plural Visitation

 

by Brett Rutherford

Now cut that out! I have weathered a lot

of discord in this urban arena:

the fenced-in barcarolle of neighbor dogs,

the rising and falling of conga drums,

the melodious yowl of cats in heat,

gunshots or backfires, airplanes and truck-horns,

the underground rattle-roll from tunnels,

the swell and deep shudder made manifest

by continental drift — somehow I have slept

through all of that. So now it is you:

The rag and wraith of a banshee I have spied

before (one blighted Hallow’d night I watched

one extricate itself from a tangle

of unyielding shrubbery), but that was

you in the singular, your lonesome cry

dissolving to a wisp of midnight wind.

This Brooklyn visitation is plural!

Twelve pairs of bony hands reach out to me,

from a hen-pack dozen of whirling shrouds.

Faces, if you can call them that, jut out

with insect eyes or blobs of black jelly.

Their twelve-part chorusing, from ruddy bass

to the highest squeak-screech of violins,

piles the diabolus in musica

and partners every howling note chromatic

with its half-step brother, an elephant

falling on every organ key at once.

All this, and on and on for hours, all this

from your wingbeats thrust into my window.

Who sent you? I am not even Irish!

Therefore, these whistles and yells cannot be

addressed to me, you howling telegram!

You have the wrong building entirely.

The errant Kelly, the drunken O’Brien, 

Leary with all his guns and bombs, have moved.

And why, I ask, come you in committee,

the way you dropped en masse for Spanish Flu,

or the starvelings of potato famine?

Oh, friends have died, and some died horribly,

but one by one they left me, unsummoned

by anything that tread night’s canopy.

When my time comes, I will see a raven,

a bard’s beckoning, a stately ibis.

Again, no son of Celt or Eire sleeps here.

The cat is Siamese, for goodness’ sake!

So gather up your mealy, dustmop heads

and flap on off to somebody else’s

premonition of death, you silly birds!

The Jupiter-Saturn Great Conjunction

by Brett Rutherford

Goya: Saturn Devouring His Children

Two giants approach, their masses swollen
with age and pride. One, facing us, will pass
before the other, back turned in scornful
enmity. Rings peep like ears from Saturn
as Jupiter and all his companion
satellites take pride of place and orbit.

Back turned to Saturn-Cronos, his father,
Jupiter calls out in scorn: “You, frozen,
turgid in your ever-colder banishment,
you almost ate me once.” No answer comes.

He turns his eye outward, now, accusingly:
“You swallowed my brothers and sisters.
Have you at long last no guilt for your crimes?”
From icy outer rings a bell-tone stirs;
a moon peeps from behind the old planet,
but Saturn, as ever, utters nothing.

Though all was settled long eons ago,
there is no end to conspiracies:
Saturn has eighty-two satellites still
contesting the Olympian election,
clinging to lies and a tyrant’s coat-tails,
while Jupiter is the acknowledged king
with only seventy-nine companions.

“They love me,” boasts Jupiter, “and I, them,
while you have only courtiers bound by dread.”
Now, squinting at sun with his one red eye,
the king of worlds winces as gravity
ever so slightly tugs him back Saturn-ward

and the sullen, yellow-brown cannibal
shrugs, its face and brow inscrutable, its moons
ice-cracked with slogans braying how Jupiter
was not a proper god and the Olympians
were better locked up in their father’s belly,
a fit prison for ill-born imposters.

Nothing will come of the great conjunction,
for the gods as they are, on their planets
wage an incessant strife. Wait twenty years —
it is the same story told once again.
Avert your gaze from Saturn’s armory,
shun Mars and his war-cry. Venus, for love;
fleet Mercury for gods’ inspiration;
Sun ever-rising with beneficent rays;
Moon, the world’s clock with tidal urgings,
and Earth itself, shelter to demigods
and Muses: abide if not obey them,
and leave to Titans the terrors of war.

  

Where Is My Golden Butterfly

 by Brett Rutherford

1

I am deep into the unforgiving heart
of Latin Lucretius: De rerum naturum.
“Where is my golden butterfly?” you ask.
I close the book. Together we search
the tabletop, the floor, the window-box.
“Oh, it has fluttered off, and now is free.” —
“Keep looking,” you say, “for I fear the worst.”

Next to the pantry door, it hovers there,
now paralyzed, atop a dusty web.
“Set it free!” you cry concernedly.
“It is too late,” I say, “for even now
the black spider has already kissed it;
its orb and legs already spin its shroud.
Its wing-beat gone, it has no power now
to escape the poisoner’s cruel caprice.”

With broom I pull the whole mess down,
and do not chide your neglect of dusting,
as not just one, but twelve subsidiary
webs, each with its own arachnid tenant,
collapse into a nebula of death.
You do not speak, your trembling arm extends
a pointed finger to the out-of-doors.
And so your favorite thing, now dead-alive,
drops down into the ice-fringed compost heap.

 

2

My dreams, so many levels deep these days
are full of others’ unhappiness,
not my own memories in Freud’s jumble,
but all the sad domestic misfortunes,
work rivalries, the sting of sociopath
bosses, days jailed in false arrest, theft-loss,
the broken promises, abandonments,
the blame for crimes you didn’t even think
to do, but everyone assumed you did
because you are so not like the others,
cop-stopped, or grabbed by men in an alley,
when they barred the door, or showed you to it,
said things behind your back you full well heard.
This is what your dreams are made of these days,
not the good sex you’ve had; not one prayer
spread out like a Sunday picnic blanket.

I dream, ten levels down, and cannot leave.
Not one of these events happened to me.
They are spattered by other sleepers tied
in the webs of coma: they broadcast out
as their attendants turn them, fill their veins
with sugar and salt, air bellowed in-out
as their suspended-animation thoughts
cascade into the cosmos. Had I not
the strength of lucid dreaming, I would be
on the brink of my own madness.

Yet I have learned from this a truth profound:
the mind blanks over pain, and even death
and loss. The people have one thing only
that cannot be taken from them: their pride,
an angry wound whose only medicine
is justice, served cool and implacable.

As the rose before the buffeting frost,
the butterfly too beautiful to die,
is turned and bound by the indifferent spider,
all nature screams to me: unfair! unjust!

 

3

You have lost your golden butterfly,
and now I cannot read Lucretius.
I am thinking how good it felt, that one
small efficacious burst of power,
when I trampled black spiders underfoot,
and there seemed to be, for just one moment,
that … much … less … evil abroad in the world.

 

 

First Snow

 

by Brett Rutherford

 

i

No breath of wind

disturbs this perfect canvas:

dwarf roses, faded, leafless;

twisted branches gray and brown;

intricate overlay

of pristine snow, pyramidal

tracings of every line and arc

in flakes of fallen crystal.

Suspended within

     this latticework

a thousand rose hips burn

like sour radishes

or petrified cherries,

a memory of blushes

and blood-flushed passion

caught unawares by winter.

 

ii

An hour later, I pass again.

The snow’s calligraphy

is still untouched by wind.

Rose hips still beam

their ruddy messages.

The sun has slid

across the ice-sky

to its low-slung zenith

and one hundred

astonished roses

have opened their petals —

     dying as fast

     as they unfurl,

their wilting edges burned

by unkind frost,

 

virgin Juliets

no sooner born

     than entombed.

The suicidal blooms

lean to the sun, pleading

their disbelief of darkness,

the impossibility

of sudden perishing.

 

Love comes unbidden thus,

as the capricious rose.

 

Rev Feb 2018

 by Brett Rutherford

THANKSGIVING THOUGHTS

 

i

Although base Nature made us
     and will have its way,
we bow our heads in thankfulness
that we do not live in a universe
where all the food is gray.

  

ii

Just halfway through
the holiday repast,
the room explodes
in fisticuffs,
     drawn knives
and a pool of blood
on the dining room floor. 

That’s how Thanksgiving ends,
as every hostess knows,
if too small a bird provokes
an insufficiency of stuffing.

 

iii

Sixth place at table
reserved for Squanto’s ghost.
Over the steaming corn,
turkey and gravy,
cranberry red
he utters the words
his people would one day rue:
“Welcome, Englishmen!”

 

iv

Apocryphal feast
we learn about
as we droop
from sauce and stuffing:

 An immense turkey
stuffed with a duck entire,
its swollen cavity
crammed with a hen,

into whose bosom
three pigeons,
stuffed with quail,

each tiny quail
engulfing one minute
hummingbird.

 As we walk home,
wine-warmed and down
in our vigilance,
will some vast hand
sweep downwards
from the kettle-black sky —

 and after a suitable
cleaning and marinade,
will we be stuffed
in turn inside
some vast and whale-like
cavity, waiting to bake
slowly and tenderly for those
who know Earth
as the food planet?

 

(November 2015)

From "The Elves" by Ludwig Tieck (1811)

Modernized and adapted by Brett Rutherford from a version by Thomas Carlyle. 

A WHILE LATER THE ferryman came across the river, and told them new wonders. As it was growing dark, a stranger of large size had come to him, and had hired his boat till sunrise, but with this condition, that the boatman should remain quiet in his house — at least should not cross the threshold of his door. “I was frightened,” continued the old man, “and the strange bargain would not let me sleep. I slipped softly to the window, and looked toward the river. Great clouds were driving restlessly through the sky, and the distant woods were rustling fearfully. My whole cottage shook, and moans and lamentations glided around it. Then, suddenly, I saw a white streaming light that grew broader and broader, like many thousands of falling stars. Sparkling and waving, it proceeded forward from the dark fir-ground, moved over the fields, and spread itself along toward the river. 

“Then I heard a trampling, a jingling, a bustling, and rushing, nearer and nearer. It went forward to my boat, and all stepped into it, men and women, as it seemed, and children, and the tall stranger ferried them over. In the river, by the boat, were swimming many thousands of glittering forms; in the air white clouds and lights were wavering; and all lamented and bewailed their journey. I heard voices calling in lament and phrases like “far away! — our home is lost! — the poor fir trees! — the guardians! — our beautiful home! — far away! — quickly! — quickly!” And with these scattered phrases came a music so sad that my heart nearly burst to listen to it. 

“The next wave to cross the river were so horrible that I can scarce describe them. Tall figures, gaunt and faceless — they had mouths which groaned but otherwise no faces at all! — came by wearing long, dun cloaks, and over their shoulders were folded-up membranous wings. I had to avert my eyes lest I faint on the spot. They carried a number of their kind who were attached to tree branches, festooned like bats or tree-snakes. These, it seems, were crippled and could not walk, so they bore them like pigs trussed to a roasting on fir branches. No man should ever have to look on such beings.

“They all passed, and then the voices ceased. The noise of the rudder and the water creaked and gurgled for a while, and then suddenly there would be silence. Many a time the boat landed, and went back, and was again filled up. Many heavy casks, too, they took along with them, which multitudes of horrid-looking little fellows carried and rolled — whether they were devils or goblins, Heaven only knows. 

“Then a stately train came, in waving brightness. It seemed to be led by an old man, mounted on a small white horse. All of the last of them were crowding around him. I saw nothing of the horse but its head; for the rest of it was covered with costly glittering cloths and trappings, splendid beyond anything our lords and barons could mount. On his brow the old man had a crown, so bright that, as he came across, I thought the sun was rising there and the redness of the dawn glimmered into my eyes. Thus it went on all night. Even though marvels piled upon marvels, I at last fell asleep in the tumult, half in joy, half in terror. 

“In the morning all was still. But the river is, as it were, run out, and it is so shallow now that I do not know how I am to use my boat in it now. You can wade across, and there is not a fish to be seen.”

FROM THE FORTHCOMING YOGH AND THORN BOOK, Wake Not the Dead: Continental Tales of Terror. This is one episode of a longer story.

The Ruins of Rome

by Brett Rutherford

adapted from Par tibi, Roma, nihil

     by Hildebert of Lavardin, c. 1103 CE.

 

To you, Rome, to you, now nearly all in ruins,
nothing can be equal. Nothing! Shattered, you still
show us the greatness of your vast entirety.
Long ages have destroyed your pride, and Tiber's flood
both Caesars' tombs and gods' temples have swallowed up.
Only the bull-frog trumpets atop triumphal arches.

All that labor, all for naught, even in Rome far-flung:
from road to aqueduct to standing Janus-stone,
to the distant river Aras whose trembled rage
shrugged off a great Augustan span, and now regrets
the loss of that which brought the caravans of salt
and spice, and for the flow's god, fragrant offerings.

Rome! which swords of kings and the considerate care
of the Senate, beneath the kind gaze of the gods,
established itself to be the world's capital:
how was it that one man, Caesar, came to rule it all?
He rose by bribe, by pledge, by dint of lineage,
by Caesar's daughter's marriage bed, by Pompey's head,
by loyal, well-paid army poised before the gate.

Yet somehow, guarded by indulgent gods, men built
this place with pious hands, ever aware of how
the Tiber's down-flow from stream and mountain pushed back
with even-tempered spirit the unwelcome tides.
And thus from near and far they brought the broad timbers,
marble, mortar, gypsum, clay, gold and porphyry.
The rocks of its own earth became the city's walls.
Rich Romans poured their treasures into its building,
craftsmen their genius in a life of proud making;
wealth of all lands in trade flowed into its coffers.

Fallen city! who can but stand here stupefied,
robbed of any fine words except to mumble, "Rome was!"
No wearing-away by wind or time, invaders'
fires or slashing swords, can fully obliterate
this city's ageless glory. For ruin itself
is more sublime than all its parts — greater than what
remains, greater than what was lost. Even if all
were restored, its weight of sorrow would sink the heart.
The broken statues, mended, would be the wiser
for their pain; the violated tombs would cry
no less for retribution with re-molded roofs.

But — idle thought! — Rome is so vast a ruin now,
no one could put it back the way it was, nor could
some mighty power come to level it utterly.
Oh, they may come with new wealth and the gods' favor;
they may with new hands carve human figures as once
the Roman artists and their Greek masters made them,
but who would expend, with crane and scaffold, the work
of rebuilding the shattered, tumbled Roman walls,
or even to restore one god's neglected shrine?

Statues and portrait busts, triumphal reliefs, all
the sarcophagi and funereal stones: what
visages! Even the gods are amazed to see
their own images (such as remain unburied),
wanting to be as fair again as these false masks,
for Nature never made the gods with faces such
as these, faces which human hands alone devised,
faces still numinous with human admiration,
boy-god and goddess, and all-Father Jupiter
frozen in one perfect moment, and for all time.

O happy ruin! And who is your master now?
You were always better kingless, or when enthroned
by rulers who could turn in shame from broken faith.

9/27/2020